"withholding distorts reality. it makes the people who do the withholding ugly and small-hearted. it makes the people from whom things are withheld crazy and desperate and incapable of knowing what they actually feel."
I got my hands on the book of the Dear Sugar column from The Rumpus by Cheryl Strayed. I'm only a few letters in, but I love it. It's exactly the kind of thing humans need. The process of waking up can be slow, but it seems to me that this will help.