letter on running

journal

"fall starts in two days.
another fall, more time passes. & me in exactly the same place.
I'm tired of standing still.

but it's as if my arms & legs have atrophied. they can't move. maybe they never could.

I'm starting to think that the only movement I've ever done has been running away.

I ran away from Oregon. I ran away from New York. I ran away from every place & responsibility in between. I've only run.
now I'm getting that feeling again. that tingling under my skin. I want to run. to abandon everything.
staying still feels like staying stuck & that feels like dying.

but maybe you can never really get anywhere if you keep running. maybe that feeling I've had--that my life doesn't add up to anything--is because nothing can build if you're always starting over."