missing new york

It feels like a hundred years since I decided to move here.

New York disappears from me. Every day it retreats further into the fog. It becomes more & more like the generic photographs. It becomes less like an actual breathing place & starts to look like just a movie set.

I guess it didn't feel so much like a real place when I lived there either. What you see of New York, what is allowed to leave the state borders, is really nothing like what's actually waiting for you in the streets.

What's waiting on the front lines.

But it's disappearing on me. I want to keep it, but it's running away.

I'm tired.
I'm tired of chasing it.

portrait with three heads

Portrait with Three Heads
digital collage, 2014
NR

coyotes

Journal
16 July 2014 
hollywood hills, night

Just now, out my window, I'm certain I heard a pack of coyotes. They do live around here, in the hills.
I swear I heard them eating something, killing it. There was barking & howling & it filled the neighbourhood. It rose from the earth, spiraling into the sky like a dust-storm. Then, there was this screaming. This inhuman, animal scream coming up from something's gut. Coming up from something's terror.

seeking

LA, where are your freaks? Your weirdos? Your artists?
I miss the city where every street bursts with originals.
I miss my city, where one doesn't strive for sameness.

I can't recognise faces here. Each one looks the same, as if carved from hot plastic & shined to resemble new cars in the sun. Where are you, my humans? My loves? My derelicts?

only time

out west

I've been accepted to the Graduate Writing Program at The California Institute of the Arts. This is one of the top hybrid writing programs in the country. I am extremely honoured to accept my position in the program.

I will be a California girl beginning the first week of June. & officially a grad student again this fall.

these trees & their light

prospect park, 2011